Often I read a blog by poster “Dymphna.” She and “The Baron,” post at The Gates of Vienna. But, for whatever reason, I found the quoted piece by Dymphna while visiting Protein Wisdom another blog I occasionally visit.

I find it to be very relevant in my life because recently a beautiful young woman I know was jilted by her boyfriend of some time. He was her first love and as so often happens he turned out to be a jerk. She is heart-broken.

I did not see  his alley-cat-like wanderings coming,  nor did this young woman or her parents.

As a very interested third party I wondered what I could have done differently to help protect this now severely hurt child  young woman. Looking back I know there was nothing I could have said or done that would have made one iota of difference in the inevitable outcome of this tragedy.

Now, however, there is. You see Dymphna – may God (not Allah) richly bless her – has written down a list of attributes that men should have if they are to be considered by women as suitable companions. Do I like this idea? Of course not! Is such a check-list necessary in this age of ethical relativism? Yes!

As a man I naturally compared myself to the list and can say that today I conform to it’s ten points. Did I always? No! And for that I have tried to make amends.

But in reading the list I couldn’t help but feel a sense of remorse that I did not have it to give to the young woman I now mourn with.

If you follow the link hi-lighted in the quote you will be taken to where I found it.  If Dymphna reads this I hope she gets a sense of the importance I as a man, believe this list has for every young woman – and man.

Anyway, that said, here’s the “safe” list my battered women evolved over the years:

1. He gets on well with his family, particularly his mother or sisters. Family members don’t do dramas or cut off relationships –e.g, his momma gets on with her own family and her in-laws (as best she can).

2. He works steadily at a job he really likes. Never leaves one job without having lined up another. Isn’t a work-a-holic.

3. He has an avocation that really engages him—fishing, reading, motorcycles…whatever. But not so absorbing he’s never home.

4. He has some interest in the larger world and gives some of his time to a community group or someone in need. Like maybe he mows the yard for the old people next door.

5. His moods are reliable. Not happy-sappy, just predictable– e.g., you know for certain how he feels abd what he will say and how loud he’ll say it if—again—you borrow his tools and don’t put them back. A corollary: the person he is in public is the same person he is at home. No Jekylls/Hydes need apply.

6. His times and routines are predictable. He’s never three days late for dinner.

7. He has a sense of humor and thinks you’re funny, too. You share secret jokes.

8.He’s sensible about money.

9. He enjoys children to some extent, especially his own. He sees them as people.

10. He’s trustworthy. Keeps his word.

I am going to send this to my “young woman.” I hope it aids her in the future. But now I have to think of just exactly the right words to use because Grandpa, that’s me, would be horrified if he caused more trauma.

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