My wife frequently travels in her business. Most of it done by air.

Since the events of 9/11 she has become quite familiar with almost all the various and assundry “critical” procedures required for permission to board a commercial aircraft in the United States.

She carefully and thoughtfully packs so as to be able to answer, “yes: I packed it myself, no: it has not been out of my posession since, and yes: I know my hair color and weight have changed since that horrible picture was taken.” To the last one I can only imagine that under her breath she was unhospitably mumbling something along the lines of, “up yours’ buddy, you ain’t so special yourself.”

In any event because a person of Eastern descent and religious inclinations which require her to dress in a feed-sack, tried to carry a water bottle tainted with explosive residue onto a plane not long ago, all personal items must now be readily available and visible in a see-through, clear plastic bag.

My wife confidently produced her clear bag full of medicine, makeup, stuff, and etc., for the security person charged with protecting lives at the airport. He indignantly informed her she was in “non-compliance” with “Federal regulations,” and that corrective measures would have to be taken.

Her crime? She had her things in a ONE-GALLON sized Ziplock bagziplock-bag.jpg a heinous breach of security according to the collective wisdom of some of the dumbest people in America, TSA.

The corrective security measure she had to comply with, as did other ladies in that long line, was to “go over there” and for a quarter purchase a regulation sized ONE-QUART sized bag for your personal affects, then you will be allowed to board.

While all this was transpiring my wife duly noted,  an obvious relative of the mid-Eastern person (who knows if it is men or women under all those black sacks and scarves) who had started all this – she too was ensconsed in a black feed sack- zipped (pun intended) right on through the line adjacent with a smile and “have a nice flight” salutation from our nation’s stalwart security minions.

My wife’s objection to the whole thing is not that security checks are being conducted, for that she is grateful. It’s just that the minutiae of rules cannot possibly be known by the personel used to enforce them.

The mental acuity required for the position of “TSA Security” at the check-in line is less than that for McDonald’s employment since change does not have to be made. Telling people “you have to go over there” to make your purchase and get change is actually not difficult.  But, what do I know, I have not been required to estimate Ziplock bag sizes under pressure. Moreover, I didn’t even know they made a one-gallon size. Shows you what I know.

DOD Travel Regulations are published in two volumes. In addition there are monthly updates, which I assume amount to a small book, and there are “Immediate/Advance Changes and Travel Advisories.” These I would assume run to several pages on a daily basis.

I am not sure of the inter-conections between DOD and TSA and FEMA, etc., but since our government is now a government of the government and for the government, I know the various agencies are at least engaged, if not wed and sleeping together. And, since they are first cousins you know what kind of relationship that is.

Where was I? Oh yes. Twits and the TSA. Anyway when I picked up the Missuz from the airport and heard of the incident I remarked, “well Honey, just think how much safer you must have felt and been, knowing that ‘one-gallon sized Ziplock bags’ did not threaten your life on that flight. What if one had gotten onto your plane then escaped.? There’s no telling what it might have done. Can you imagine the horrendous chaos that might have followed such an incident?”
I know next time we fly we will feel much safer knowing there will be no one-gallon sized Ziplock bags on our flight.

The government really does care about our safety.

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